best job perk ever:

chocolate-covered almonds are one of those little miracles that lets you know god loves you.

(well, god, and whoever was nice enough to give them to you.)

the end.

all i want for christmas...

is a pet rock named lester.

he must be heavy and portable.

i will tuck him away and carry him everywhere and tell him everything

and he will still be a rock.

he won't die of being over-watered or under-sunned like my desk plant.

he won't dart out into the street and refuse to come back to the house like a certain puppy i know.

he won't bite, he won't change, he won't need to go out

he won't wilt, he won't whine, he won't eat my shoes

he won't break, he won't collapse, and he'll never be unhappy to see me!

i will carry him everywhere

and he will still be a rock.

...its 2 am. goodnight.