Monday, December 6

when all else fails!...

...just accept that you never knew
the real definitions of
'success' and 'failure' anyway
and move on! :)

my life was described last night
as a series of
'perfectly orchestrated disasters'

and, as funny as it was,
it was also a seriously humbling realization.

so often when everything has gone wrong
at the exact WORST time possible,
and i thought the world was sure to end,
the greatest changes of my life occurred as a result.

and when i say 'great'
i don't mean
the ones i loved the best -
heck no! -
i mean the ones that left
the biggest impact for the better
on my life, my character and my testimony.

and i'll be honest,
there are some that i'm not fully at peace with yet

- i wonder why my plans and life direction had to change the way they did -

but it is humbling
to realize that i could never have seen that they would turn out to be exactly
what i would need to become my best ME.

its humbling
because it reminds me that
1) i am NOT the one in control here
2) there is someone up there who must love me very much who IS!

it reminds me of an important paragraph
from the 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous Book:

it comes from the testimony of a doctor who realized the key to his recovery was
acceptance of his life and all its imperfections
exactly how it is right now
(so he could live in the answer and not in the problem),
and that his alcoholism had blessed him by forcing him to get on his knees and come to know God in a way nothing else could have.

he said,

"for years i was sure that the worst thing that could happen to a nice guy like me would be that i would turn out to be an alcoholic. today i find its the best thing that has ever happened to me. this proves i don't know what's good for me. and if i don't know what's good for me, then i don't know what's good or bad for anyone. so i'm better off if i don't give advice, don't figure i know best, and just accept life on life's terms, as it is today - especially my own life, as it actually is."

in other words,
for years i was sure that the worst thing that could happen to ME,
emily ann peterson,
would be to have this-or-that not go the way i planned,
or that those-scary-painful-trails would crop up,
or that thus-n-such-thing-i-loved might someday change -
but today i find that all of those
perfectly orchestrated disasters
are the best things that have ever happened to me.
this proves i DON'T know whats best for me
and that there's someone else -
someone all-powerful and wonderful -
who DOES. :}
so i'm better off if i don't try to counsel God
or tell Him i know best,
and just accept my life and all its hand-tailored progression tools
(aka trials)
on His terms -
my life, my own life, as it actually is.

my life - the beautiful disaster :)

the beautiful, wonderful, exciting, amazing, hilarious and perfectly orchestrated disaster!

...speaking of beautiful/amazing/orchestrated disasters - this clip gives me happy goosebumps every time i watch it!! :)

Saturday, December 4

good people

this is not the first time i've had this kind of conversation with someone,
and i'm sure it won't be the last,
however i had it several times over the last week
so i need to vent a little right now.

what is so wrong or naive about
believing that people are,
in general,
GOOD people?

a friend and i were discussing some of the harder things we've heard in the news lately and i said something to the effect of,
"yeah, its so sad - cause you know, people are generally just good people trying to do their best..."
and he laughed right in my face.

awkward pause.

then he looked at me incredulously and asked,
"you're not serious, are you?"

actually, i WAS. and i still am.

he asked me how i could possibly believe that people are, on the whole, basically GOOD people? how could i believe that, with all the terrible things going on and all the prophesies that they will get worse?

...i'm sorry, how can i believe that?

how can i NOT?

i don't believe in being blind to the dangers and realities of the world we live in, but we are all spirit children of the same God and we all CHOSE to be here because there was a goodness and a trust in us that prevailed against alot of opposition!

i will openly agree that the natural man is "an enemy to God" and more naturally inclined to be scared and selfish, but that doesn't make us BAD - it makes us human. and guess what, our spirits, which chose goodness, are part of us too! so while we're naturally not perfectly good, we also can't be perfectly bad.

i don't remember where, but somewhere in my youth i heard this philosophy,
"there is no one on this earth whom you could not love if you knew their story."

and guess what -

i believe it.

even the WORST people that have or ever will live -
murderers, child molesters, kidnappers, drug dealers -
ALL of them were once children
with clean minds
clean hearts
and a living situation.

and, like all of us,
there are unhappy, hard and even traumatic things
that come with being born into a family
and situation that you have no control over.

if we went back far enough,
if we really KNEW their story -
i don't think we'd be so quick to assume
that people must be naturally bad
to be selfish, unkind, dark or abusive.

i 100% believe in the power of
divine AGENCY
and that every living soul has
the right and responsibility
to CHOOSE their own direction in life.

just because you were handed an abusive childhood
doesn't mean you HAVE to take the road of
becoming an abuser.

i personally know a lot of incredible people
who have suffered serious traumatic scars
and have chosen to live a life
oriented towards LIGHT and HAPPINESS
instead of using their pain to hurt others.

if we could go back
and watch the path
that hurt,
and hardened the hearts of
the scariest people you know,
i doubt we could pass judgment on their
inherent badness as casually as i believe we often do.

and the same goes for people who aren't the worst ones you know,
but just the average dude who
cuts you off in traffic,
or is a pain to work with,
or never does what he says he will.

i genuinely believe that all the people we interact with each day
are just trying to do the best
for what they know how do to.

if there was shouting in the home
and shouting back kept someone safe,
then shouting will be the tool of choice
when that person feels threatened,
even if the 'threat' is as simple as possibly purchasing the last doughnut of their favorite flavor!

i'm not saying it's right, i'm saying it's people living or surviving as best as they currently know how.

in aladdin, the hero of the story
is a theif
and we're ok with that.
because we are shown that
he has a good heart, good intentions
and that he is living the only way he knows how,
"gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat, tell you all about it when i've got the time...!"

we COULD call up disney and tell them
that for all his 'good intentions',
aladdin obviously hadn't tried hard enough
to get an honest job
so he could AFFORD to pay for his food
instead of stealing it!

but...if he was an orphan on the street,
what kind of education would he have had?
what job would he have been qualified for
that would have allowed him to get out of poverty?

well, he should have gone to night school!
or a trade school!
or gotten a miro-loan from a non-profit organization!
or done SOMETHING so he wouldn't be a menace to society, RIGHT?!...'s a silly example, but can you see what i'm getting at?

we really are in no position to judge.
so why not give people the benefit of the doubt that their intentions are better than they seem?

i don't profess to always have a loving,
non-judgmental attitude towards others.

and i can't say that i have completely forgiven
or that i'll ever love
people who i know have hurt my loved ones.

and i most definitely am not one to say that you can just trust anyone you meet
and leave your safety or the safety of your children in their care - trust needs to be earned.

i still do, very sincerely,
believe that ALL of us,
as equally noble children of the same God,
all have the same potential to become
clean, powerful, happy
celestial beings
and that we are all
down here,
living out our lives,
with our own personal mix of
baggage, education, emotions, beliefs and needs
and that we're doing it
the best that we currently know how.

and i try my best to treat people as such.

so yes,
i believe that people are generally good.

that doesn't qualify them for automatic trust
and it doesn't mean we're in the same place
in our progression or in our life choices.

what it does mean
is that there's hope.

hope that,
with time, love, and a greater understanding
of their inherent awesomeness,
even the worst people can chose light
instead of darkness.

hope that we can turn whatever trials we face here
into something beautiful
that will make us,
our futures
and our world a better place.

and if our Father has that kind of hope for each of us,
then i think there's nothing wrong
with my trying to do the same.

that's all.
thank you.

*step off soap box*

Wednesday, December 1

a little sumthin to kick off the holidays!! :D

music is one of the greatest bonds in my family -
we get it strongly from my mother.

our sense of humor, however,
we get from our dad. :)


a very merry kitschmas to you!


the month of
joy, cheer, snow

and this year
i am DONE
with pretty, polite and quiet christmas-ness!!

this year,
i want to see awesomely themed
christmas sweaters!

i want to see elves,
red outfits with white fur trim,
striped decorations
sparkly garlands,
hot chocolate,
cheesy christmas music,
gingerbread houses,
bed-time stories
nativity scenes,
and home-made snowflakes!!

in short,
i want a gloriously kitschy christmas!! :D

and this is the point where
you're probably shaking your head and thinking,
"oh, poor misled emily -
you're forgetting the meaning of christmas!"

to which i emphatically say,
"actually, i'm not."

because an over-the-top christmas
means you can't forget christmas.

and last year,
i forgot.

don't get me wrong,
being together with my family,
opening presents
and eating a christmas dinner together
was wonderful -
completely wonderful!

but i spent the weeks preceding christmas
running around trying to find a job,
buying presents online,
completing my finals,
listening to my every-day music
and fulfilling my calling.

my birthday suddenly arrived and i was shocked!
then i blinked, and it was christmas eve -
and we were about to do our
shepherd's dinner/nativity story,
and i wasn't ready.

i had all my presents purchased and wrapped,
but emotionally, i wasn't ready for christmas.

i hadn't thought about the Savior,
the prophesies,
His life,
the plan,
or my family
the entire month.

and after christmas was over,
i had wished i had actually CELEBRATED christmas.

so while i'm aware and reverence the fact
that christmas
is about Christ
and not Santa or his elves,
all of that ooey-gooey wonderfully
christmasy cheer and music
helps remind me
that a special day is coming
and that i need to be ready.

so, with Pres Uchtdorf's counsel still in mind*,
i plan to kitsch up my christmas this year! :)


read it, love it, live it. :)

Tuesday, November 23

with bated breath

first off, after some research,
i discovered that "bated"
really IS the correct spelling
over "baited"
because it comes from
which means
to lessen or reduce or put an end to,
which is exactly what you are doing
when you hold/slow your breath
out of expectation, anxiety, or caution -
thus, you "bate" your breath. :)

THAT being said,
and with the state's worst blizzard in history looming over the horizon,
i just need to share how stressful
WAITING can be!

the anxiety caused by a lengthy heightened awareness of impending doom
is far more upsetting than just having to embrace the doom when it happens.

seriously -
i can handle hard things.

but i handle them much better when i don't have
free time before to contemplate how horrific or awesome
it may or may not actually be beforehand
because i have a FANTASTICALLY overactive imagination!

not to mention,
when you ARE waiting for certain, but not as yet, destruction,
time absolutely draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaags ooooooooooooon!....

we were warned we might be sent home early
due to fatal snow fall
HOURS ago!
and while i'm not sad about the prospect
of NOT having to drive home in the snow,
the day has tripled in length
and there is still not a SINGLE snowflake in sight!
which means i am still at work
but emotionally checked out,
because i'm imagining how i will manage
to ration out my trident gum sticks
and create a heat-retentive shelter
using only the junk available
in my purse or backseat!




and still no snow.

man, impending doom was never so boring.

Friday, November 19

awkward city

dear mr-guy-friend-who-only-took-me-out-once-and-never-expressed-any-further-interest,

we are friends,
and i'd like to keep being friends,
so please take this with all the love
a friend can give:

please do NOT act all weird
when you overhear that i've been taken out by other men.

please do NOT come around
and get all awkward
in an uncomfortable attempt to
"bring up" the girl i saw you with at the movies last weekend
so you can "nonchalantly" explain
how she was NOT, in fact, your date,
but a girl who was supposed to be with your brother.

i don't care and i'm not offended!

it's totally cool you're not interested,
so please just STAY uninterested and
stop giving me weird vibes that you
ARE actually interested
unless you plan
on DOING something about it
and asking me out again.

which, if you are,
do so, and do it soon
so we can please get past all this...

cause really...
it's just

lots of (plutonic or platonic) love,

Thursday, October 21

Boutique this Friday!

It's gonna be cool and stuff from ArtisanMaskers will be featured there! :D

Tuesday, October 12

name that tune or die

it came to me in a dream.

ok, not really - i wasn't even asleep yet.

i had just closed my eyes
when suddenly
a sassy euro-techno beat popped into my head.

it was catchy!

it was awesome!!...

made me want to do a little dance!!

however, it was really distracting considering i was trying to relax and drift off into dreamland...

i enjoyed it for a while,
but i started to lose my patience.

"could we please turn on something a little less awesome?" i polietly asked.

my inner DJ wasn't taking requests, apparently.


so i continued to listen

...but it didn't make any sense.

i couldn't for the life of me figure out
1) WHY my brain was suddenly continuous-looping this particular song
2) WHERE on earth i had heard it before!

where have i heard this before?

"goooooooogle!...." something inside me whispered

"what? NO!"
i refused to doom myself to a 2 or 3 am bedtime
by getting up and googling it! absolutely not.

"besides" i thought "i can't google 'sassy euro music'! please! i would need SOMETHING else to go off of. but it doesn't matter, beause i'm going to sleep."

however, sleep was too busy rockin out to do its job.

"stop dancing!" i ordered

no such luck

"turn down the music!" i shouted

complete disregard for authority in this place!!

"you better quit bustin your moves, or i'm gonna come down there and!!"

no response.

"...THAT'S IT! i swear, when i!..."

...but when i stormed down
i saw lasers.


this music...with lasers?

...dancing with lasers?...


dancing THROUGH lasers??....

i was so confused.

then i got it.

a heist movie.

security lasers!

so then i tried to think of every heist movie i've ever seen -
but nothing fit.

and my laser-evading hip-hoppin fiend had no help to offer.

"gah! i DON'T need to know this right now! i NEED to get to sleep!"

but he continued to dance.
and the music wouldn't stop
and i still couldn't sleep.

MERCY! i HAD to figure it out!

"you could google it!..." my masked theif of sleep suggested again as he spun on his head and popped back up into a crimp-toe.

"NO!" i firmly commanded while resisting the urge to start a pop-n-lock routine "we are NOT googling anything at this time of night - i would never get to sleep running on such a WILD GOOSE CHASE as a 'security laser dance' search would bring!!" NO WAY!"

"have it your way" he calmly replied - and turned up the music.

needless to say, we fought and danced about it for a rather large portion of the night.

...and after an exhausting night's "sleep"
i blearily woke up and googled my infamous security laser dance music.

and i found it.


that fast.



...note to self: sometimes listening to your midnight music maurader might be a faster way to end rythmic conflict than sticking to your bedtime.

...and in case you're wondering - it's from Ocean's Twelve -
a movie i only saw once and had never thought of since.
and the song is Thé à la Menthe (which means "Mint Tea" in French!) by La Caution
my brain is awesome. :)

Friday, October 8

everything i ever needed to know about life i learned while making masks...

my friends and i are long-time maskers, but i only recently began doing it as a full-blown hobby like they do. we sell our creations on Etsy and the hours i've spent in the last few weeks with a hot glue gun in hand, sparkles in my hair/eyes/nose and feathers stuck to my clothes have taught me alot. here just a few...

1) if at first you don't succeed, take it apart and start over
2) everything has the potential to be something beautiful
3) patience...lots of patience...
4) use your setbacks as chance to put a new spin on things, not a reason to give up
5) hot glue holds the universe together
6) timing is everything
7) inspiration comes when its supposed to, not when i want it to
8) you can never approach any one situation or person exactly like another
9) don't be afraid to go big and bold
10) a little glitter goes a long way...seriously!
11) you can't ignore the inside and simply decorate the outside - it will be pokey and uncomfortable
12) the first step to success is a strong base
13) embrace change
14) use it up, wear it out, make due and save any scraps for another day
15) pretty can't be good enough - durability (and wearability) are key
16) when you hit a block, take a break and go back to the basics
17) you can never have too much awesome
18) patience...again.
19) you have to work with what you've got - and you can STILL make it amazing!
20) if you've burned yourself 3 or more times, you're allowed to take a break
21) you can't please everyone
22) trust your instincts
23) you can't handle glitter without sharing the love with everything and everyone around you
24) there's no satifsaction like that of a job well done
25) be open to outside ideas/opinions - a fresh perspective is worth its weight in gold!

Tuesday, September 28

Memoirs of a Career Fair Booth Babe

I would like to thank everyone who came to our booth today requesting information about the amazing company I have the joy to work for.

I would also like to send out a special thank the few of you - two in specific - who made my day at your campus particularly unforgettable.

and I do mean, unforgettable.

To My Fairy-Rock-Father:
You were an inspiration to me today, Fairy-Rock-Father. The way you wandered from booth to booth to talk to companies WHILE playing your guitar and tossing your long multi-colored bangs half-way off of your face was pure creative genius. I especially loved how, when you asked me if I wrote music (and I said yes), you proceeded to serenade me – rather loudly – in the middle of the career fair. Thank you for trying to seguway into a second song by telling me you’d forgotten my name – and how that reminded you of a song you wrote about forgetting a beautiful girl’s name and calling her Angel instead. Brilliant. But dear Fairy-Rock-Father, thank you most for using your rock-star powers to bless my life with unspeakable awesomeness. As we parted, I wished you good luck with your music (since you obviously weren’t really interested in the Graphic Design Position) and you wished me luck with mine. I wistfully said I wished that I had more time to really work on it!... – you hushed me loudly as I uttered this, leaned in uncomfortably close to my face, and whispered that the time was mine!…then ceremoniously THUMPED MY FOREHEAD with your finger! “your wish is granted,” you told me as you backed away with your arms stretched out to the heavens, “I’ve granted your wish!...”
‘Believing in your fairy-rock-father - isn’t it about…time?’

To The Royal Chef with B-O:
I’ve never had the imperial honor of being so completely insulted by someone who was either being so blatantly rude, inappropriate or socially awkward. You are too magnanimous! By way of apology, I’m sorry if I didn’t seem sufficiently awed or obsequious to have been graced by your noble presence when I learned you are a culinary arts major. I beg humble forgiveness. I also ask pardon that I was confused and a little speechless when you interrupted me (as I was telling you we’d love to speak to your programmer friend) in order to ask me in your drawl tone, “your job is to….attract people to the booth and, um...tell them things, isn’t it?” I was so struck by your stately grace that I could only stammer, “…well, yes, I get to tell people about our company…” before you butt back in to continue, “…and I don’t just mean physically, you know…” as you gave my outfit (I hope) a long significant look-over. Then you cut me off before I began my peasantry-babble again to announce, “you’re in…HR, aren’t you?” I could only nod, for I realized I was too unworthy to speak at that point. “I KNEW it,” you gloriously soliloquized, “you’re obviously not technical – so you couldn’t be a programmer. Therefore you had to be someone else from an office…like someone’s secretary (another significant look)…or HR.” I count myself grateful that you then turned and walked away at that point or else my undeserving hand surely would have found its way to your grand and grubby cheek with a loud, resounding CRACK! Thank you, your magestic highness, for culminating all of my professional achievements into being nothing more than a booth babe.
Cause you’re so hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh high above me, you’re so ugly!…

Happy job hunting everyone!

Ps. a quick note on this University – their customer service to the companies attending was EXCELLENT! I was completely impressed with them – even if I was less-than-impressed with some of their student offerings…

Pps. stay tuned for tomorrow’s career fair memoirs from the next university I visit!

Wednesday, September 22

letters to greg

*warning: if you don't know who Greg Behrendt or Liz Tuccillio are, go read their book. it's the bible of dating. the end.)

Dear Greg,
So I meet this guy and we really hit it off! We talked for several hours and he helped me take my car to the shop all in the same night. It was really fun! I didn’t hear from him for a while, but I figured he knew where to find me if he wanted to. A few weeks later, he asked me out! Awesome, right? The way it should be, right? Well Greg, I’m disappointed because the entire date he barely spoke to me, never attempted to open my door (and let the doors close behind him in my face) and literally left without a word when the show was over – I had to run through the crowd to catch up with him to get a ride home!...but here’s the crazy thing – he seemed to think that was totally acceptable behavior! I’m not high maintenance, Greg – truly, I’m not – but I’m pretty sure I deserve better treatment than that, don’t I? My friends say it’s probably because he never saw his father treat his mother well and he was nervous, so maybe I should go out with him again to help teach him how to treat girls like ladies. Should I chalk his poor behavior up to nerves and upbringing or just assume he’s not into me? But if he’s not into me, then why did he ask me out?

Dear Not-High-Maintenance,
Being ungentlemanly is being ungentlemanly, and it sounds like you’re the kind of girl who wants to date and eventually marry a gentleman. Is it possible that he came from a broken home that was seriously lacking in affection and etiquette and that he’s NEVER, in his entire life’s experience, EVER had someone suggest he open a door for a girl?... Possibly. But it sounds to me like he’s either already let you know how he really feels about you or how he really feels about women. Could you stick around and be a pal to help him learn the art of treating women well? Sure, but it sounds like a dangerous game to me when the very first buds of a possible friendship or relationship are accompanied with your needing to CHANGE the guy. Why did he ask you out, you ask? Well, you ARE an amazing and foxy woman – it’s possible he was hoping he’d feel more for you than apparently he realized he does. Or maybe he really IS into you but treated you like crap because of “issues.” Either way, you’re still being treated like less than you deserve. Even if he were truly into you, he’s certainly not compatible with you because you are looking for, and deserve, a true gentleman. Now, go put on something pretty, enjoy your afternoon tea and make time for a man who will offer to pour it for you.
Hugs from here,

Dear Greg,
Ok, listen to this one, Greg. I run into a guy I haven’t seen in a while at a dance. He remembers my name, asks me all these questions about how I’m doing, what I’m up to, why haven’t we seen each other and tells me how glad he is to see me. He’s a really sweet and fantastic guy. Then he pulls out his phone and asks for my number. I was surprised and pleased that a guy could be so direct – especially when I’d expect him to be shyer than most! So I gave him my number, he called my phone to make sure I had his, and we parted ways for most of the dance. Later as I was leaving, we hugged and I said we should hang out sometime. He emphatically agreed and said he would LOVE that – but then proceeded to inform me that his whole world had been up in the air since he lost his planner, so if I didn’t hear from him for over a month, it really is because he forgot. Wait, huh? I get that I shouldn’t call him, but seriously? What just happened here?

Dear All-Planned-Out,
Wow. That’s a switch – going from “let me program you into my phone!” to “I guarantee I won’t remember you (or the fact that you’re in my phone) for at least a month!” Ouch. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – guys don’t forget how much they like you. Period. Men don’t need Franklin Covey to remind them when they’re truly into someone. They especially don’t PLAN to forget the women they enjoy being around. If he could look far enough ahead to know he was going to forget to call, then it’s not forgetting. Honestly? It sounds to me like between your sweet reunion and goodbye hugs he found a tastier morsel to pursue at the dance. But take heart, disco diva, you’ve saved yourself a lot of time and self-respect by NOT allowing yourself to wait around for him to call and be the mambo man of your dreams. You’re a sexy rock star and a guy whose attention is really on YOU will be rocked to the core by it! Crank up the music and have some fun!

Dear Greg,
So I met this great guy at a big singles event and we spent most of the evening together talking. He’s really nice and super smart, which I find very attractive. We had a fantastic time and I offered to help him network for a project he’s involved in. I felt silly suggesting he get my number, so I gave him my full name and told him to find me on facebook. Greg, I’m sure it’s no shock to you, but he never found or added me. My friend thinks I should track him down and add him anyway – she says I have to do my part to let him know I’m interested – but I’m wondering if I already have my answer on this one. Just not that into me? Or maybe he’s not a facebooker? Or maybe my security settings are too high and he can’t find me?!...No?

Dear Not-In-Stalk,
I think you already have your answer too, but let’s do the math anyway: Showed clear and honest interest? Check! Add direct and simple means of finding you? Check! Add a professional need to get in touch with you? CHECK! Now, add the knowledge that he knows what ward you go to, then SUBTRACT the last, most crucial, and largest factor – WHETHER OR NOT HE FOUND YOU. Whichever way you cut it, it looks like you’re comin up short in the ‘actually into you’ dept. Results are in – sounds like he’s just not that into you. Seriously, though – men enjoy getting what they want, even (or maybe especially) when there are obstacles involved. They may not scheme like women, but they WILL pursue and find the women they’re interested in, even if it means a few extra mins on a social networking device they don’t normally use. I am quite sure he has a sister, mother or female acquaintance that could help him stalk you down even if he wasn’t much of a ‘facebooker’ himself. A foxy woman like yourself should be out having fun – not waiting by the refresh button on your browser. So get out there and enjoy yourself!
Still listening,

Wednesday, September 15

gas station karaoke

i was out of gas
and it was cold.

i was in a hurry
and i pulled up to a more pricey AND shadey gas station
simply becauase it was on my way,
i was in a hurry,
and i really didn't want to end up on the side of the road
in the very near future.

...did i mention i was in a hurry?

i hopped out of the car,
wishing it were better lit,
but thanking the heavens for card readers!...

...until i realized they were all out of order.

"pre-pay only until further notice."


i went inside and impatiently stood
behind the other 2 souls
who had wound up at this forsaken place
and avoided contact with everyone -
including the scary-looking kid in the tobacco section
and very emotionless cashier with a nose ring.

i wanted to grumble
(ok, maybe i did)
when finally i stopped focusing on me
and realized
Michael Buble's soothing tones were serenading me
in that dingy little gas station!

it was heaven!

immediately everything changed and i could see in my mind's eye
Michael and i dancing around the gas station
with confetti falling,
patrons singing and swaying,
and the emotionless casheir jumping up onto the counter
and bustin a move!

i could see it all!..., if you know me at all,
you MUST know whats coming next.

...i couldn't help myself!

i was suddenly so blissfully calm
and magically not stressed out anymore,
that as i reached for some motor oil to add to my purchase,
i heard someone who sounded very much like me
singing along - nay, HARMONIZING - with the radio!

"yeaaaaaaaaah, i just haven't met you yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet...!"

i realized with a jolt what was going on
when i felt tobacco-section kid
take my arm and turn me so we were face to face.

i wasn't singing anymore.

nobody was.

they were all looking at me.

...and i think i'd turned to stone.

which is really inconvenient, because i turned to stone with the tobacco-kid still looking me squarely in the eye.

i prayed he'd kill me quickly.

and finally he said,

" have a really beautiful voice!"

"yeah!" emotionless cashier chimed in with a smile, "you should come sing when im on shift more often!"

all of which was accompanied by a positive murmur from the other patrons and general laughter from everyone in the little store! the rest of my 5 min there were spent chatting, well-wishing, and saying goodnight to everyone - suddenly i was surprised at how quickly my "inconvenient, time-wasting stop" had passed!

and you know, there wasn't any confetti
(and Michael certainly hadn't shown up to dance with me!),
but it almost felt the same. :)

so thank you, sweet tobacco-section boy,
for giving an honestly strange stranger
an honest and sweet compliment!

i'm glad that i met you yet! :)

Sunday, September 12

the not-so-spiritual moment of my conference...

i don't believe in pity parties.

the confetti is always puce
(which actually means "flea" in french - noting the bug's reddish/purplish-brown color)
the cookies are always dry
and the ice cream has already been melted and re-frozen so its sticky and gross.

in short, they're lame.

so, as a general rule, i make great efforts to avoid them
and today was a perfect example
of how awesome
i DON'T succeed
at doing that sometimes.

an exciting morning of regional conference got off to a mildly bumpy start
when i first realized that i had come with two couples.
(my married cousin and her husband
and my roommate with her new beau.)

'well, that's ok. i'm a big girl! who needs a boy? i get to sit with lots of people i love!'

then, without warning,
the glacially-harvested air conditioning started pouring down.
quickly and heroicly, both of the men in our small party shed their jackets to save the shivering damsels.

i sat in the middle with no such assistance.

but i had no reason to dispair! my cousin had me skootch over and share the jacket with her!

'see?' says me, 'i am loved enough by all - i dont need a date to give me his jacket!'

and so we hunkered down, prepared to endure until the long conference hours had passed.

but it is a rather squishy life for two women under one thin man's jacket.

it didn't take me long to realize that by allowing me to try and fit my knees under the protection of the suitcoat, my cousin was not staying warm.
and due to the small area of waist-coat refuge i was using, i wasn't retaining any heat either.
(blast that nasty breeze biting at out ankles!)

so i admitted defeat, braved the bitter storm and returned to my original position -
completely stripped of any shelter from the winter air that even a few shreds of a suit can provide.

...but i had lost my seat.

according to mathatical principles i cannot explain,
the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
and when all of our hips had been facing forward,
their straight lines had provided just enough room for us all.

but with the fierce, icy winds decending mercilessly from the vents above,
both couples on either side had angled themselves towards each other
to trap in and save precious heat.
it was a matter of survival now.

and darwin's theory states that the unfit will never make it.

the math was simple but i never saw it coming.
newly angled hips = what was once room enough for one
was now big enough for none.

i was going to fall.

i glanced to my right as i inched dangerously closer to the edge -
but there was nothing their frigid gushy smiles could do!...
i glanced to my left, about to cry for help as i saw the impending ledge coming near!...
...but they were powerless to save me, as their arms were holding tight to each other!!...

i clawed desperately for something to keep me a-benched, but it was too late!....

and just before i slipped off of the wooden cliff to my frozen doom,
i glaced up at the servant of God on the screen before me and thought,
'well...i guess YOU'RE my date, then, Packer!"

bring on the confetti.

Wednesday, September 8

this isn't an apology

hello little blog!
yes, its really me!!
and yes, i realize its been forever since i wrote!
and no,
im not going to spend a post apologizing and promising to never do it again :)
(cause really, lets be honest here, it probably will! lol)
and now!
in no particular order at all!...'s 5 life-lights i thought you'd enjoy written on you!:
1) i absolutely love my new place! it was tragically discovered this week that i'm deathly allergic to my headboard, but other than that, my room, my roommies, and my rockin ward are a joy!
2) family scripture study and prayer are a MUST! seriously, i always "knew" but i didn't KNOW how important it is! it makes all the difference in a united home. thank heaven for a wise Father, awesome parents and wonderful roommates!
3) bra-shopping is absolutely less than ZERO fun - finding the right bra, however, is cloud NINE heaven. i don't particularly like the math, but there it is. the end.
4) i am FINALLY caught up on my facebook pics! all major events (minus Mexico pics which josh has on his computer) are up and i can now enjoy being a paparazzi again without the weight on my mind of when/how i'll ever get them organized! :D yay!
5) i've discovered email relationships with old friends is completely wonderful and very therapudic! little bite-sized chunks of life, love and other mysteries bounce back and forth for everyone's enjoyment! :D
(actually, if we're going to be honest here, that's probably why i haven't been writing on YOU, sweet little bloggy - i've had somewhere else to type out my thoughts and funnies! i considered cutting/pasting my emails in here, but then we get into the sticky realm of what is or isn't too personal to, yeah. that's that - lol!)
6) pillow fights are my new favorite thing after a movie! i have successfully won myself a goose-egg during one and a collection of colorful bruises from others - the battles were EPIC! :D
7) having my own bathroom and cleaning products has changed EVERYTHING. no joke - i cleaned my bathroom last week FOR FUN. what?! yes - FOR FUN! i was about to hop in the shower after a run and thought, "well, while im still dirty!..." and set out to scrub down my little world. :) mother dear, be proud!!
8) i tried rollerskating again for the first time in about 2 decades - it was awesome!...and when i say awesome, i mean the sight of me struck awe and horror into those nearby - if they saw the train wreck coming at all! lol :) bless the poor souls who tried to help teach me and were rewarded by getting dragged down with me every 10 seconds! LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!
9) i have glasses now that are gorgeous AND functional! :D i actually WEAR them around town! i pretty much have the alluring prude look down and i'm currently working on my sexy librarian smolder. watch out, world! i just don't know if you're ready for this! ;)
10) i am taking the HR Certification course right now which will eat up several hours of my wednesdays for the next 12 weeks and will cost me over $200 to take the test, but i am SO STOKED! yes! yes! i can't do anything good! :D
(especially when my amazing boss believes i can - i am so stinkin blessed!)
and there you have it, my blogette! :D
i hope this has helped satisfy your curiosity as to where i've been and how i've been doing since we last posted together.
cause yes, it really has been a while.
and yes, i missed you too.
now go to bed, silly blog!

Wednesday, August 4

the toss-up

a dear friend of mine shared the secret of success behind her 15 years of marriage.

about a year after their wedding, she and her husband were at her parents for dinner.
she expressed her desire for a new purse and her husband responded with incredulous exclamations about how she’d just bought her
current purse a few months ago!
how many does a person need?!
what a waste of money! etc etc etc…

at this moment, his sassy mexican mother-in-law
came storming in from the kitchen and exclaimed,
“son, i'm gonna teach you something about women!
women are FICKLE!
they need change!
so about every three months
it’s either
a new PURSE
or a new MAN – take your pick!”

he now counts himself lucky to be safe for another three months each time he sees his wife come home with a new purse. :)

Wednesday, July 28

best job perk ever:

chocolate-covered almonds are one of those little miracles that lets you know god loves you.
(well, god, and whoever was nice enough to give them to you.)
the end.

Thursday, July 15

all i want for christmas...

is a pet rock named lester.

he must be heavy and portable.
i will tuck him away and carry him everywhere and tell him everything
and he will still be a rock.
he won't die of being over-watered or under-sunned like my desk plant.
he won't dart out into the street and refuse to come back to the house like a certain puppy i know.
he won't bite, he won't change, he won't need to go out
he won't wilt, he won't whine, he won't eat my shoes
he won't break, he won't collapse, and he'll never be unhappy to see me!
i will carry him everywhere
and he will still be a rock.
...its 2 am. goodnight.

Wednesday, June 16

they live among us...

our office is currently playing host to a
bionic alien.

yes. it’s true.

and what’s worse –
i think i’m the only one who knows.

this mammoth of a machine
simply appeared in our mail room one day
after our other printers all
started having jamming problems.

everyone thinks he’s here to save us from dreadful print jobs!...

i, however, am not so sure.

surveillance plans are already in place
to monitor this unassuming electronic infiltration.

be he autobot or decepticon
i vow to discover soon…

Thursday, June 10

needing to sleep

it's been a while since i blogged -
don't worry, i haven't stopped being opinionated
or having musings about
life, love and other mysteries -
i've just been unable to find the time to put my
funny thoughts up for the world to see :}
tonight, tho,
im kinda pensive.
i can hear fire trucks outside my house
and i wonder whose home is on fire
or if someone is in danger.
i wonder if they'll be ok.
i heard the news that a girl was beaten and raped near our home.
a girl in our stake.
and i wonder how she'll survive.
how her family will survive.
i listened to a woman i know
prepare herself for another battle against cancer
after being a survivor of several years.
then she found out
that her husband is also fatally ill.
and i wonder if she's tempted to get angry or give up.
i see and hear lots of sad things
because the world is full of unhappy, wounded and flawed people,
and honestly, sometimes i don't know where to put it.
this life
this earth
this chance
is a divine and priceless gift -
greater than anything else we could have had in the eternities -
we fought for it!
we wanted it!
because somehow, we trusted,
even before we'd come here,
that everything we'd face;
all darkness
would all somehow be swallowed up
and healed
through the Savior.
we didn't just trust, we KNEW.
my heart aches for the people around me who have been hurt.
my heart aches when i hear about how dark the world is becoming.
my heart aches when i think of little children having to brave this dangerous place.
but somehow, the world still isn't evil.
the world, this earth and the people on it,
are still all creations of God
and He is still the supreme ruler over them.
so this world, despite all of its flaws,
is still glorious beyond description!
and so, somehow, we can still be joyful
despite how scary life can seem.
there is nothing
the Savior cannot make right
through the Atonement.
and there is so much RIGHT that can already be had in this life!
and the Atonement
magnifies it to be so much more right
and good
and bright
than it was before!
“[His influence] quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature."
-Parley P Pratt
i love that quote.
our great and loving Father
through our Savior
aided by the Holy Ghost
make all wrongs right
all rights divine
and give ALL experiences meaning. not sure if i make much sense :}
its late.
God is love

Wednesday, May 26

the dude

today i recognized a guy from my work

(as he rode his motorcycle down university ave)


by his chops.

yes, his chops.

from behind, no less!!

yes, i am that awesome,

and yes, so are his chops.

Friday, April 30

will the real issue here please stand up?

"nothing is going right!"
"everyone is mad at me"
"people won't like it"

generalizations and absolutes are tricky beasts.
they create these walls of abmiguous 'realities' we can hide behind.


well, yeah - i mean,
how can you protect yourself if you don't know what the danger is?
how can you fix a leak if you don't know where the crack is?
how can you change your situation if you don't know
where your part begins?
how can you deal with anything effectively if you
refuse to define it?

you can't.
so you are, in effect, hiding.

in my family, the popular way to hide is behind the "people."

"well, some people might not want to do that…"
"there are people who aren't eating sugar these days, so we shouldn’t eat there…"
"people are upset about that…"

O those people!!

to quote one of the wisest people I know (aka kim),

"saying 'people' sounds massive and completely unmanageable!
it's like…like a thick fog that you can't look at or deal with
because you can't even see what it is!..."

(hey…yeah! just who ARE these people, anyway!?)

"...but if you were to just blow aside the smoke for a second,
you'd realize it’s just so-n-so standing there amid the fog.
really? just one person? maybe two?!
i can handle that!"

therein lies the problem with generalizing and absolute-ing everything:
it MASKS the reality of the problem so we can feel justified in not addressing it.

it's too obscure,
too massive,
too cOmPliCatEd,
too h u g e ,
too whatever, etc, etc, etc…

it takes courage to wave aside the smoke to see what's really there - it does!
i think we try to mask it because we fear that
whatever IS in there
we maybe couldn't handle.

but we CAN handle it!

"nothing is going right!"
nothing? not a single thing in any way?...or just maybe that one thing you really had your heart set on? and possibly a few burned dinners or assignments missed on top of it? look at those two or three little realities for a second - can you handle that? YES, you CAN!

"everyone is mad at me!"
everyone - every single person in the whole world (including me, which i highly doubt)? …or is it someone important to you so it feels like the whole world? let's pretend they really ARE mad at you and will never recover - that's one person among billions. one person with their own baggage. one person whose opinion doesn't change the opinion of an Almight God who ISN'T mad at you. one person - can you handle that? YES!! YES YOU CAN!

"people might not like it..."
people? like who? a crazed mob?! ...or maybe just one member of your family, or one person in your class, or one critic that could easily be spoken to like an adult about the situation? and if they can't be reasoned with like an adult…does their opinion really matter?
if we're all being mature here, we should all be free to and be supportive of everyone chosing to like what they like, go where they want to go and be who they want to be. if somone can't be mature about it, there is nothing we can do to change them. so we might as well do what we really feel is best despite their negative views/opinions. if they love you - THEY WILL GET OVER IT.

could we handle that - handle possibly upsetting someone by doing what we think is best for us instead of what they want?

YES - I say, we could handle that!

let's stop and blow away the smoke a little more often.
lets see our fears and intimidations for what they really are:
smaller, more manageable problems that we CAN handle
if we face them.

we CAN!

time to pull out my leaf-blower!...

Tuesday, April 27

spaghetti = love

i'm going to the happiest place on earth this saturday! :D

it will awesome just like disney movie!!

[minus the dreamy spaghetti scenes... ;) lol ]

i simply cannot wait!

(oh, and did i mention MEXICO after that?!

no? well its true!!)


(ps. no posts for two weeks - what will i do with all my funny thoughts?! lol)

Monday, April 19

the outcast

they're all mocking me.
taunting me.

walking to work before 8am,
i discover that
during finals week
pajamas are the cry of freedom on campus

and I'm still a prisoner.

i can sense their overly comfy smugness
as I run to work
in business slacks,
metallic sandals,
a dress shirt,
my hair in an up-do and
- heaven forbid -
with makeup on!

...and what's more…
they know its killing me.

i envy the deep flannel cocoons they'll burrow into
when they take up roost in the testing center
to study all day.

no shower
no prep-time
no bra
no nothing.

their tattered and patterned bottoms,
furry slippers, and bed-heads are a
harsh, snide reminder that
i have responsibilities today
aside from test-taking
and they do not.

curse you all.

Monday, April 12

those unforgettable moments...

so there we were -
and the boy i'd been sitting next to all semester.

he's a super nerd,
but really nice.
and a good-looking guy.

i thought,
"he's pretty cool. we should go out. we’d have fun."
but i listened to greg
and waited.

“if a guy is really into you – no matter how shy –
he will ask you out!”

i trust my own innate hotness enough to believe that’s true. :)

so, i didn’t ask him out
(or try to GET him to ask me out)
and never worried about it again.

then came the last day of the semester.

the day when, traditionally,
if someone is going to solidify a friendship outside of school,
they do so.
they have to.

nerd-boy isn't on facebook,
we were never in the same presentation group,
no phone numbers or emails had been shared.
however we DID sit next to each other,
twice a week,
all semester,
making funny comments during class
sharing notes
or writing on each other's notes
- totally being friends -
i figured we could easily fix this
and transition past the classroom.

the bell rings!…
we stand up!...
he had hidden my backpack under his chair
and i had to steal it back.
we fought it out as our classmates packed up their things...

it was magical.

then there,
pinned in the middle of the row,
with the laughter of our banter fresh on his face,
he looked deep into my eyes
and said,

'well, i guess i'll never see any of you guys again! later!!!"

and left.

o greg! thank you for NOT allowing me to waste my precious time on someone who was never actually into me!

mocktails on us!

our mission:

1) make certain the cinnamon tree lounge felt nothing like the cinnamon tree lounge.
2) get everyone out of their shells with crazy tricks and talents.
3) give out awesome prizes!
4) give everyone a reason to dress up like the foxy ladies and slick men that they are
5) serve up the best mocktails ever invented!!

* over 100 classy people served!
* TONS of hilarious raffle tickets awarded!
* 12 amazing prizes presented!
* 1 GRAND PRIZE WINNER of a date with kim&em!
* 4 hours of jazzy music and occasional dancing
* and the 7 smoothest, tangiest and flavorful-est mocktail recipes ever enjoyed!
mission accomplished!

Thursday, April 8

love letter

dear world,

my grandfather sang this to my grandmother as he left for war:

he wrote her beautiful letters about the work,
his travels,
and how desperaetly he missed her.
he wrote her almost daily,
expressing how much he loved her,
how she'd changed his life,
and said once
that when he saw her again,
he'd squeeze her til she turned blue
and her ribs crushed like unto macaroni!

they were dreadfully, sweetly, wonderfully, and completely cheesily romantically in love!
and that just makes me happy.
their granddaughter

Tuesday, April 6

pet peeves

pet peeve
n. (Informal)
Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.

we all have them.
we all hate them.
we all love to hate them.
and some of us have some really funny/true ones!

take my mild-mannered friend, Aaron, who secretly loathes...

...people who use the tall fountain to fill their waterbottle with people waiting behind them. (there IS a a midgit one a foot away that none of us tall people can use which you might make use of...!)

...especially when those people stop and drink from their waterbottle then proceed to top it off with people STILL waiting behind them!

...bikers who expect to be treated like pedestrians by cars and like vehicles by pedestrians.
(WHAT THE?! - ! i have the right of way!...move it, you peons!)

...people who take up a whole isle at the store with their huge cart and refuse to walk faster or let you by.
(hey, it's all good - i was actually hoping i'd get caught here in canned beans section long enough to read where they were all individually picked, cleaned, shelled, and processed!!...)

...and most hated of all: pointless busywork.

or the love of my life, kim! who moonlights as a hater of... hair.
(shudder - there's nothing else to say)

...people who allow cat hair in their homes.

...people who ENJOY cat hair in their homes.

...and most of all, men who call themseves "cat people."
(cat-ladies are acceptable because they've turned from society - but cat-men?! unmanly and unacceptable.)

even the lovely jerica has her own list of evils...

...people who, walking or driving, cut you off then proceed to SLOW DOWN!

...people who eat loud.
(i dont want to hear your food!)

...people who hover over samples at costco.
(you're not starving - you dont have to stand there waiting for it to cook!)

...people who diss on michael jackson or ANYTHING they don't really know anything about.

...lack of "fetiquette" (aka facebook etiquette).
(i do NOT need to hear your declarations of love and longing every day - i don't want to live your relationship with you!)

...especially newlyweds who take/post pics of their honeymoon suite or daily post for a week how much they hate sleeping alone when their spouse of out of town...
(REALLY?! really?!?! i DONT need to know!)

...people who walk around with leftover makeup on.
(folks - wash your face, PLEASE! is the economy that bad?!...)

my dear sweet matti can't handle...

...when people leave cupboards open.
(...seriously? just close it!)

my bro-in-law-brother jonathan writhes inside when...

...people look at his artwork which he spends hours, days, and YEARS perfecting and say "wow! you're so talented - i could never just DO that."
(i don't JUST DO IT - i dedicate my life to developing the skills! if you spent as much time as i did, you could too!)

as for myself, i want to die a little inside when... in different lanes all match pace so no one can pass them.
(there's a REASON we have the "fast" and "slow" lanes, guys)

...people don't use their blinkers.

...people complain about being bored or unpopular.
(you have the POWER to say 'i will GO OUT and DO something and i will have a GOOD TIME!' - i don't care how much homework you have, how awkward is it, or how much you wish life would just show up at your door to entertain you - living a fun full life is work!)

...people are constantly negative.
(so what do you like to do? nothing i do matters. where do you work? i hate my job, so it doesn't matter. whats your favorite color? colors are stupid. OK, we are done here!...)

...trying to use someone else's cel-phone
(trust me, it'll go WORLDS faster if i call/text them from MY phone - and i wont accidentally delete all your contacts in the process...)

well, there you go! some of the best things i've heard that
"grind your gears"
(as jerica's friend calls it)!
what are some of yours?

Monday, April 5


This sight greeted me Easter Morning as i arrived at my parent's for family conference breakfast:

and i remembered a wonderful story that changed my life!!...

"once upon a time,
my mother had 4 daughters to recognize
at our 'new beginnings' night!


each mother was asked to bring a fake flower
that represented her daughter
(or daughters)
in some way.
then a bouquet would be made
of all our 'young women' flowers
to be displayed for the whole year
and remind us how special we all are! was quite a clever idea!

the night came!

we began the unveiling of flowers!

first angie:
a white rose
"because angie is our angel-daughter! she is pure, loving, and a peacemaker. she is beautiful inside and out!"

then jana:

a fire-and-ice rose

"because jana has so much passion for life and so many different things about her that make her amazing and talented! and roses are her favorite flower."

jump to whitney:

a cluster of forget-me-nots

"because whitney is a bright and wonderful joy to have around! those who meet her are incapable of forgetting her! also, purple is her family color."

and finally, emily:

a red and yellow tulip

emily's reaction:
...a tulip?!
...i dont understand...i dont even like tulips!
...and a RED tulip??
my favorite color is blue!! EVERYONE knows that!...wouldn't my MOTHER know that?!

mother's explanation:
"because tulips are the first flower to come back after the long winter. they bounce back - just like emily!"

i'm sad to say, little emily was pretty crushed.

...i BOUNCE BACK?... that the only good thing she has to say about me?
there is NOTHING about that flower that is at all me!
...nothing even very poetic, like my sisters'!...

so our heroine went home, completely dissolusioned.

fast forward about 3 years,
an older, wiser, but also
very overwhelmed heroine
arrives at her parent's house -
their relatively new house,
in which this was their first spring!

she trudged up the driveway,
asking God if she could just NOT care anymore
since He didn't seem to!...

when she saw it.

a big, healthy red-n-yellow tulip was sticking out of the snow!
and suddenly, a young women's new beginning's night
and a bouquet of flowers came back to her!

...and out of nowhere, i knew He still cared.
He knew that whatever i went through
would be but a small moment
and that, more importantly,
i would bounce back.
nothing is capable of keeping me
dark and unhappy
or lost in dispair
and i'll GROW through them!!

tulips aren't scared to come out even though more snow might be on the way,
they grow anyway because they are DONE being dormant!

they bounce back first :)

and suddenly, our heroine was done being overwhelmed!
and she lived happily ever after
with much trial
but even much MORE joy!!

because somehow, she always bounced back
and always will!
the end!

(and funny how this works - but now tulips are one of her favorite flowers!)

Friday, April 2

how can i keep from singing?

"My life flows on in endless song:
Above earth's lamentation,
I catch the sweet, tho' far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul--
How can I keep from singing? ...

...No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing? ...

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it.
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his--
How can I keep from singing?"

tomorrow is general conference -

my absolute favorite time of the year!!
and through a series of little miracles,
i have been given the chance to
sing with the institute choir that will
be performing during saturday session!

i am so blessed - it has been an amazing experience! :)

music speaks to me in a way that almost nothing else does!

anyone who knows me knows that
i constantly sing to myself,
direct imaginary performers,
and play a wide range of air-instruments - lol!

i can hardly help it! -

you know that feeling, when the motion of the music just
resonates with something inside you?...
or when the sound of different instruments
melding together makes your heart explode a little?!...
and when lyrics finally bring a thought or feeling to life
that you hadn't ever put words to?!?...

this is why i live for music :)

most of my pivotal testemony-building moments
were a result of music and their message.

and you know, please forgive me if this sounds sacrilegous,
but i often feel closer to God when i sing
than when i pray :}
(that's why i'll often take a drive and sing out loud my concerns to Heavenly Father instead of sitting somewhere quietly...weird? maybe, but it's how He and i chat)

but you know, maybe it isn't so sacrilegous after all -
He himself said,

"the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me."
D&C 25:12

i know the Lord loves us
and that He'll teach us and show His love for us
in the ways that speak to us best -
be it music, words, math, sunsets, smells, people, or colors!
He knows us individually and
loves us individually!

and not only that -
we get to be TAUGHT individually this weekend
through his spirit
at conference!! :D

we are so blessed! -

"how can we keep from singing?!"

Thursday, April 1

april fool's on ME!

i had a very productive day yesterday

wherein i finished and printed off a 5 page paper
my state taxes
a study guide
and my 1 page portuguese article write-up
that was due at 5pm!
then i proceeded to revise my 5 pager,
mail my state taxes
study for my upcoming test
complete my student ratings
mark an appt with a career counselor
apply for more jobs
check the lost-n-found for my hot red shoes
(no luck still)
and make a poster for my cousin's show coming up,
dames at sea!
(so cute, right?!)

needless so say, i was particularly proud of myself!

...until 5pm rolled around and i discovered

that in the midst of my productivity


to the


joke's on me, i guess! :)

Wednesday, March 31

long-lost journal entry...

forgive me, i'm going to share something a little more personal today.

i found an old email i sent to myself called "moths and lilacs" -
it was a journal entry that i typed out via email for some reason then completely forgot about.

so here it is - the names have been removed, so simply be aware that right before this took place, i had been in the company of a couple whose marriage i was unhappy about. i didn't think they were really compatible and it worried me.



... i'd been there an hour or so and i was considering leaving when
i got a charly horse in my leg, so i left to walk it out.

as i walked around their neighborhood, i sang to myself - singing
about how i never would have guessed a year or even a few months ago
that things would have changed so much and ended up as they had,
wondering if it was just that i was human that i don't like change or
if it was just me. :}

i never would have guessed that people i cared
about would decide to marry people that i don't want for them. i
wouldnt have guessed that i would still be single and not even really
interested in anyone after a few months short of two years of being
home from my mission.

i was singing about stuff like that, wondering if they were really
happy together and if they would actually be happy married to
eachother - but at the same time reminding myself that their lives
arent mine, and even if I wouldnt be happy in their place, THEY ARE,
which is all that really counts, in the end, right?

so as i was wandering around like that, i ended up at the chapel near their house and i walked by a lilac bush. I stopped to look at it cause it was really beautiful, and i like them!, when i noticed that the bush was covered with enormous moths. (i nearly thought they were bumble bees at
first, which almost scared me off)

i stood there and watched them, wondering what was going on, and i realized that they were drinking from the tiny lilac flowers. there were 3 huge moths whose tounges i
could actually SEE extending out as they hovered in the air nearby
(kinda like humming birds) and sticking down into the itty bitty

i stood there a little awe-struck. how could it be that moths so big
would be able to get food from such a tiny flower? how could they have
been designed so perfectly that their tounges went right inside and
found what they needed? how on earth could they KNOW that THAT flower
fit them? how could it be so simple - that they could just
live and what they needed is provided?

then the lyrics from 'consider the lillies' came into my head, so i
sang that to myself....and the moths, instead of my ponderings.

could it really be that simple? just live and trust that you'll always
find/recieve what you need? just live and trust that Heavenly Father
knows what everyone else needs too? is it possible that there was
really something/someone bigger that knows exactly which insects and
flowers were made for eachother and could direct them to eachother for
their mutual benefit, that also knows exactly which people were best suited
for eachother and could be trusted to direct them to eachother for
their mutual benefit and happiness?

...apparently, yes.

i wanted to stay there as long as i could watching the moths drink,
but once 'consider' was over, my foot had finally stopped hurting, and
i think the moths were done having me serenade them. :}

so i grabbed some lilacs and went back, feeling much better
than i had before about them, life, and me.

it wasn't something huge, but it was a sweet little moment for me.
Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. and if he cares enough to
detail out which lowly moths and simple flowers would go best
together, He certainly cares enough to have made plans and details for
my life (that i don't/can't understand yet) and what is best for me.
(not to mention those around me who i love)

God lives. sometimes i forget that He's Living and still paying
attention to the details, i guess. :} i'm grateful He loves me. I know
He does.

He loves me enough to send me some lilacs and moths - who would have
known (other than Him) that that was exactly what i needed tonight? :)