letters to greg

*warning: if you don't know who Greg Behrendt or Liz Tuccillio are, go read their book. it's the bible of dating. the end.)

Dear Greg,
So I meet this guy and we really hit it off! We talked for several hours and he helped me take my car to the shop all in the same night. It was really fun! I didn’t hear from him for a while, but I figured he knew where to find me if he wanted to. A few weeks later, he asked me out! Awesome, right? The way it should be, right? Well Greg, I’m disappointed because the entire date he barely spoke to me, never attempted to open my door (and let the doors close behind him in my face) and literally left without a word when the show was over – I had to run through the crowd to catch up with him to get a ride home!...but here’s the crazy thing – he seemed to think that was totally acceptable behavior! I’m not high maintenance, Greg – truly, I’m not – but I’m pretty sure I deserve better treatment than that, don’t I? My friends say it’s probably because he never saw his father treat his mother well and he was nervous, so maybe I should go out with him again to help teach him how to treat girls like ladies. Should I chalk his poor behavior up to nerves and upbringing or just assume he’s not into me? But if he’s not into me, then why did he ask me out?
Signed,
Not-High-Maintenance

Dear Not-High-Maintenance,
Being ungentlemanly is being ungentlemanly, and it sounds like you’re the kind of girl who wants to date and eventually marry a gentleman. Is it possible that he came from a broken home that was seriously lacking in affection and etiquette and that he’s NEVER, in his entire life’s experience, EVER had someone suggest he open a door for a girl?... Possibly. But it sounds to me like he’s either already let you know how he really feels about you or how he really feels about women. Could you stick around and be a pal to help him learn the art of treating women well? Sure, but it sounds like a dangerous game to me when the very first buds of a possible friendship or relationship are accompanied with your needing to CHANGE the guy. Why did he ask you out, you ask? Well, you ARE an amazing and foxy woman – it’s possible he was hoping he’d feel more for you than apparently he realized he does. Or maybe he really IS into you but treated you like crap because of “issues.” Either way, you’re still being treated like less than you deserve. Even if he were truly into you, he’s certainly not compatible with you because you are looking for, and deserve, a true gentleman. Now, go put on something pretty, enjoy your afternoon tea and make time for a man who will offer to pour it for you.
Hugs from here,
Greg

Dear Greg,
Ok, listen to this one, Greg. I run into a guy I haven’t seen in a while at a dance. He remembers my name, asks me all these questions about how I’m doing, what I’m up to, why haven’t we seen each other and tells me how glad he is to see me. He’s a really sweet and fantastic guy. Then he pulls out his phone and asks for my number. I was surprised and pleased that a guy could be so direct – especially when I’d expect him to be shyer than most! So I gave him my number, he called my phone to make sure I had his, and we parted ways for most of the dance. Later as I was leaving, we hugged and I said we should hang out sometime. He emphatically agreed and said he would LOVE that – but then proceeded to inform me that his whole world had been up in the air since he lost his planner, so if I didn’t hear from him for over a month, it really is because he forgot. Wait, huh? I get that I shouldn’t call him, but seriously? What just happened here?
Signed,
All-Planned-Out

Dear All-Planned-Out,
Wow. That’s a switch – going from “let me program you into my phone!” to “I guarantee I won’t remember you (or the fact that you’re in my phone) for at least a month!” Ouch. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – guys don’t forget how much they like you. Period. Men don’t need Franklin Covey to remind them when they’re truly into someone. They especially don’t PLAN to forget the women they enjoy being around. If he could look far enough ahead to know he was going to forget to call, then it’s not forgetting. Honestly? It sounds to me like between your sweet reunion and goodbye hugs he found a tastier morsel to pursue at the dance. But take heart, disco diva, you’ve saved yourself a lot of time and self-respect by NOT allowing yourself to wait around for him to call and be the mambo man of your dreams. You’re a sexy rock star and a guy whose attention is really on YOU will be rocked to the core by it! Crank up the music and have some fun!
XOXO,
Greg

Dear Greg,
So I met this great guy at a big singles event and we spent most of the evening together talking. He’s really nice and super smart, which I find very attractive. We had a fantastic time and I offered to help him network for a project he’s involved in. I felt silly suggesting he get my number, so I gave him my full name and told him to find me on facebook. Greg, I’m sure it’s no shock to you, but he never found or added me. My friend thinks I should track him down and add him anyway – she says I have to do my part to let him know I’m interested – but I’m wondering if I already have my answer on this one. Just not that into me? Or maybe he’s not a facebooker? Or maybe my security settings are too high and he can’t find me?!...No?
Signed,
Not-In-Stalk

Dear Not-In-Stalk,
I think you already have your answer too, but let’s do the math anyway: Showed clear and honest interest? Check! Add direct and simple means of finding you? Check! Add a professional need to get in touch with you? CHECK! Now, add the knowledge that he knows what ward you go to, then SUBTRACT the last, most crucial, and largest factor – WHETHER OR NOT HE FOUND YOU. Whichever way you cut it, it looks like you’re comin up short in the ‘actually into you’ dept. Results are in – sounds like he’s just not that into you. Seriously, though – men enjoy getting what they want, even (or maybe especially) when there are obstacles involved. They may not scheme like women, but they WILL pursue and find the women they’re interested in, even if it means a few extra mins on a social networking device they don’t normally use. I am quite sure he has a sister, mother or female acquaintance that could help him stalk you down even if he wasn’t much of a ‘facebooker’ himself. A foxy woman like yourself should be out having fun – not waiting by the refresh button on your browser. So get out there and enjoy yourself!
Still listening,
Greg