Friday, April 30

will the real issue here please stand up?

"nothing is going right!"
"everyone is mad at me"
"people won't like it"

generalizations and absolutes are tricky beasts.
they create these walls of abmiguous 'realities' we can hide behind.


well, yeah - i mean,
how can you protect yourself if you don't know what the danger is?
how can you fix a leak if you don't know where the crack is?
how can you change your situation if you don't know
where your part begins?
how can you deal with anything effectively if you
refuse to define it?

you can't.
so you are, in effect, hiding.

in my family, the popular way to hide is behind the "people."

"well, some people might not want to do that…"
"there are people who aren't eating sugar these days, so we shouldn’t eat there…"
"people are upset about that…"

O those people!!

to quote one of the wisest people I know (aka kim),

"saying 'people' sounds massive and completely unmanageable!
it's like…like a thick fog that you can't look at or deal with
because you can't even see what it is!..."

(hey…yeah! just who ARE these people, anyway!?)

"...but if you were to just blow aside the smoke for a second,
you'd realize it’s just so-n-so standing there amid the fog.
really? just one person? maybe two?!
i can handle that!"

therein lies the problem with generalizing and absolute-ing everything:
it MASKS the reality of the problem so we can feel justified in not addressing it.

it's too obscure,
too massive,
too cOmPliCatEd,
too h u g e ,
too whatever, etc, etc, etc…

it takes courage to wave aside the smoke to see what's really there - it does!
i think we try to mask it because we fear that
whatever IS in there
we maybe couldn't handle.

but we CAN handle it!

"nothing is going right!"
nothing? not a single thing in any way?...or just maybe that one thing you really had your heart set on? and possibly a few burned dinners or assignments missed on top of it? look at those two or three little realities for a second - can you handle that? YES, you CAN!

"everyone is mad at me!"
everyone - every single person in the whole world (including me, which i highly doubt)? …or is it someone important to you so it feels like the whole world? let's pretend they really ARE mad at you and will never recover - that's one person among billions. one person with their own baggage. one person whose opinion doesn't change the opinion of an Almight God who ISN'T mad at you. one person - can you handle that? YES!! YES YOU CAN!

"people might not like it..."
people? like who? a crazed mob?! ...or maybe just one member of your family, or one person in your class, or one critic that could easily be spoken to like an adult about the situation? and if they can't be reasoned with like an adult…does their opinion really matter?
if we're all being mature here, we should all be free to and be supportive of everyone chosing to like what they like, go where they want to go and be who they want to be. if somone can't be mature about it, there is nothing we can do to change them. so we might as well do what we really feel is best despite their negative views/opinions. if they love you - THEY WILL GET OVER IT.

could we handle that - handle possibly upsetting someone by doing what we think is best for us instead of what they want?

YES - I say, we could handle that!

let's stop and blow away the smoke a little more often.
lets see our fears and intimidations for what they really are:
smaller, more manageable problems that we CAN handle
if we face them.

we CAN!

time to pull out my leaf-blower!...

Tuesday, April 27

spaghetti = love

i'm going to the happiest place on earth this saturday! :D

it will awesome just like disney movie!!

[minus the dreamy spaghetti scenes... ;) lol ]

i simply cannot wait!

(oh, and did i mention MEXICO after that?!

no? well its true!!)


(ps. no posts for two weeks - what will i do with all my funny thoughts?! lol)

Monday, April 19

the outcast

they're all mocking me.
taunting me.

walking to work before 8am,
i discover that
during finals week
pajamas are the cry of freedom on campus

and I'm still a prisoner.

i can sense their overly comfy smugness
as I run to work
in business slacks,
metallic sandals,
a dress shirt,
my hair in an up-do and
- heaven forbid -
with makeup on!

...and what's more…
they know its killing me.

i envy the deep flannel cocoons they'll burrow into
when they take up roost in the testing center
to study all day.

no shower
no prep-time
no bra
no nothing.

their tattered and patterned bottoms,
furry slippers, and bed-heads are a
harsh, snide reminder that
i have responsibilities today
aside from test-taking
and they do not.

curse you all.

Monday, April 12

those unforgettable moments...

so there we were -
and the boy i'd been sitting next to all semester.

he's a super nerd,
but really nice.
and a good-looking guy.

i thought,
"he's pretty cool. we should go out. we’d have fun."
but i listened to greg
and waited.

“if a guy is really into you – no matter how shy –
he will ask you out!”

i trust my own innate hotness enough to believe that’s true. :)

so, i didn’t ask him out
(or try to GET him to ask me out)
and never worried about it again.

then came the last day of the semester.

the day when, traditionally,
if someone is going to solidify a friendship outside of school,
they do so.
they have to.

nerd-boy isn't on facebook,
we were never in the same presentation group,
no phone numbers or emails had been shared.
however we DID sit next to each other,
twice a week,
all semester,
making funny comments during class
sharing notes
or writing on each other's notes
- totally being friends -
i figured we could easily fix this
and transition past the classroom.

the bell rings!…
we stand up!...
he had hidden my backpack under his chair
and i had to steal it back.
we fought it out as our classmates packed up their things...

it was magical.

then there,
pinned in the middle of the row,
with the laughter of our banter fresh on his face,
he looked deep into my eyes
and said,

'well, i guess i'll never see any of you guys again! later!!!"

and left.

o greg! thank you for NOT allowing me to waste my precious time on someone who was never actually into me!

mocktails on us!

our mission:

1) make certain the cinnamon tree lounge felt nothing like the cinnamon tree lounge.
2) get everyone out of their shells with crazy tricks and talents.
3) give out awesome prizes!
4) give everyone a reason to dress up like the foxy ladies and slick men that they are
5) serve up the best mocktails ever invented!!

* over 100 classy people served!
* TONS of hilarious raffle tickets awarded!
* 12 amazing prizes presented!
* 1 GRAND PRIZE WINNER of a date with kim&em!
* 4 hours of jazzy music and occasional dancing
* and the 7 smoothest, tangiest and flavorful-est mocktail recipes ever enjoyed!
mission accomplished!

Thursday, April 8

love letter

dear world,

my grandfather sang this to my grandmother as he left for war:

he wrote her beautiful letters about the work,
his travels,
and how desperaetly he missed her.
he wrote her almost daily,
expressing how much he loved her,
how she'd changed his life,
and said once
that when he saw her again,
he'd squeeze her til she turned blue
and her ribs crushed like unto macaroni!

they were dreadfully, sweetly, wonderfully, and completely cheesily romantically in love!
and that just makes me happy.
their granddaughter

Tuesday, April 6

pet peeves

pet peeve
n. (Informal)
Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.

we all have them.
we all hate them.
we all love to hate them.
and some of us have some really funny/true ones!

take my mild-mannered friend, Aaron, who secretly loathes...

...people who use the tall fountain to fill their waterbottle with people waiting behind them. (there IS a a midgit one a foot away that none of us tall people can use which you might make use of...!)

...especially when those people stop and drink from their waterbottle then proceed to top it off with people STILL waiting behind them!

...bikers who expect to be treated like pedestrians by cars and like vehicles by pedestrians.
(WHAT THE?! - ! i have the right of way!...move it, you peons!)

...people who take up a whole isle at the store with their huge cart and refuse to walk faster or let you by.
(hey, it's all good - i was actually hoping i'd get caught here in canned beans section long enough to read where they were all individually picked, cleaned, shelled, and processed!!...)

...and most hated of all: pointless busywork.

or the love of my life, kim! who moonlights as a hater of... hair.
(shudder - there's nothing else to say)

...people who allow cat hair in their homes.

...people who ENJOY cat hair in their homes.

...and most of all, men who call themseves "cat people."
(cat-ladies are acceptable because they've turned from society - but cat-men?! unmanly and unacceptable.)

even the lovely jerica has her own list of evils...

...people who, walking or driving, cut you off then proceed to SLOW DOWN!

...people who eat loud.
(i dont want to hear your food!)

...people who hover over samples at costco.
(you're not starving - you dont have to stand there waiting for it to cook!)

...people who diss on michael jackson or ANYTHING they don't really know anything about.

...lack of "fetiquette" (aka facebook etiquette).
(i do NOT need to hear your declarations of love and longing every day - i don't want to live your relationship with you!)

...especially newlyweds who take/post pics of their honeymoon suite or daily post for a week how much they hate sleeping alone when their spouse of out of town...
(REALLY?! really?!?! i DONT need to know!)

...people who walk around with leftover makeup on.
(folks - wash your face, PLEASE! is the economy that bad?!...)

my dear sweet matti can't handle...

...when people leave cupboards open.
(...seriously? just close it!)

my bro-in-law-brother jonathan writhes inside when...

...people look at his artwork which he spends hours, days, and YEARS perfecting and say "wow! you're so talented - i could never just DO that."
(i don't JUST DO IT - i dedicate my life to developing the skills! if you spent as much time as i did, you could too!)

as for myself, i want to die a little inside when... in different lanes all match pace so no one can pass them.
(there's a REASON we have the "fast" and "slow" lanes, guys)

...people don't use their blinkers.

...people complain about being bored or unpopular.
(you have the POWER to say 'i will GO OUT and DO something and i will have a GOOD TIME!' - i don't care how much homework you have, how awkward is it, or how much you wish life would just show up at your door to entertain you - living a fun full life is work!)

...people are constantly negative.
(so what do you like to do? nothing i do matters. where do you work? i hate my job, so it doesn't matter. whats your favorite color? colors are stupid. OK, we are done here!...)

...trying to use someone else's cel-phone
(trust me, it'll go WORLDS faster if i call/text them from MY phone - and i wont accidentally delete all your contacts in the process...)

well, there you go! some of the best things i've heard that
"grind your gears"
(as jerica's friend calls it)!
what are some of yours?

Monday, April 5


This sight greeted me Easter Morning as i arrived at my parent's for family conference breakfast:

and i remembered a wonderful story that changed my life!!...

"once upon a time,
my mother had 4 daughters to recognize
at our 'new beginnings' night!


each mother was asked to bring a fake flower
that represented her daughter
(or daughters)
in some way.
then a bouquet would be made
of all our 'young women' flowers
to be displayed for the whole year
and remind us how special we all are! was quite a clever idea!

the night came!

we began the unveiling of flowers!

first angie:
a white rose
"because angie is our angel-daughter! she is pure, loving, and a peacemaker. she is beautiful inside and out!"

then jana:

a fire-and-ice rose

"because jana has so much passion for life and so many different things about her that make her amazing and talented! and roses are her favorite flower."

jump to whitney:

a cluster of forget-me-nots

"because whitney is a bright and wonderful joy to have around! those who meet her are incapable of forgetting her! also, purple is her family color."

and finally, emily:

a red and yellow tulip

emily's reaction:
...a tulip?!
...i dont understand...i dont even like tulips!
...and a RED tulip??
my favorite color is blue!! EVERYONE knows that!...wouldn't my MOTHER know that?!

mother's explanation:
"because tulips are the first flower to come back after the long winter. they bounce back - just like emily!"

i'm sad to say, little emily was pretty crushed.

...i BOUNCE BACK?... that the only good thing she has to say about me?
there is NOTHING about that flower that is at all me!
...nothing even very poetic, like my sisters'!...

so our heroine went home, completely dissolusioned.

fast forward about 3 years,
an older, wiser, but also
very overwhelmed heroine
arrives at her parent's house -
their relatively new house,
in which this was their first spring!

she trudged up the driveway,
asking God if she could just NOT care anymore
since He didn't seem to!...

when she saw it.

a big, healthy red-n-yellow tulip was sticking out of the snow!
and suddenly, a young women's new beginning's night
and a bouquet of flowers came back to her!

...and out of nowhere, i knew He still cared.
He knew that whatever i went through
would be but a small moment
and that, more importantly,
i would bounce back.
nothing is capable of keeping me
dark and unhappy
or lost in dispair
and i'll GROW through them!!

tulips aren't scared to come out even though more snow might be on the way,
they grow anyway because they are DONE being dormant!

they bounce back first :)

and suddenly, our heroine was done being overwhelmed!
and she lived happily ever after
with much trial
but even much MORE joy!!

because somehow, she always bounced back
and always will!
the end!

(and funny how this works - but now tulips are one of her favorite flowers!)

Friday, April 2

how can i keep from singing?

"My life flows on in endless song:
Above earth's lamentation,
I catch the sweet, tho' far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul--
How can I keep from singing? ...

...No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing? ...

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it.
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his--
How can I keep from singing?"

tomorrow is general conference -

my absolute favorite time of the year!!
and through a series of little miracles,
i have been given the chance to
sing with the institute choir that will
be performing during saturday session!

i am so blessed - it has been an amazing experience! :)

music speaks to me in a way that almost nothing else does!

anyone who knows me knows that
i constantly sing to myself,
direct imaginary performers,
and play a wide range of air-instruments - lol!

i can hardly help it! -

you know that feeling, when the motion of the music just
resonates with something inside you?...
or when the sound of different instruments
melding together makes your heart explode a little?!...
and when lyrics finally bring a thought or feeling to life
that you hadn't ever put words to?!?...

this is why i live for music :)

most of my pivotal testemony-building moments
were a result of music and their message.

and you know, please forgive me if this sounds sacrilegous,
but i often feel closer to God when i sing
than when i pray :}
(that's why i'll often take a drive and sing out loud my concerns to Heavenly Father instead of sitting somewhere quietly...weird? maybe, but it's how He and i chat)

but you know, maybe it isn't so sacrilegous after all -
He himself said,

"the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me."
D&C 25:12

i know the Lord loves us
and that He'll teach us and show His love for us
in the ways that speak to us best -
be it music, words, math, sunsets, smells, people, or colors!
He knows us individually and
loves us individually!

and not only that -
we get to be TAUGHT individually this weekend
through his spirit
at conference!! :D

we are so blessed! -

"how can we keep from singing?!"

Thursday, April 1

april fool's on ME!

i had a very productive day yesterday

wherein i finished and printed off a 5 page paper
my state taxes
a study guide
and my 1 page portuguese article write-up
that was due at 5pm!
then i proceeded to revise my 5 pager,
mail my state taxes
study for my upcoming test
complete my student ratings
mark an appt with a career counselor
apply for more jobs
check the lost-n-found for my hot red shoes
(no luck still)
and make a poster for my cousin's show coming up,
dames at sea!
(so cute, right?!)

needless so say, i was particularly proud of myself!

...until 5pm rolled around and i discovered

that in the midst of my productivity


to the


joke's on me, i guess! :)