Tuesday, December 29
you know, it always seems like a great idea to forge through deep snow by mooching off of someone else's previously-tred steps.
however! i made a discovery last week.
this principle does well when the powder is fresh, but not so well later.
once the sun comes out, those handy snow-holes become ice traps! at that point, it is actually SAFER to tred where no man has trod before than follow someone else's path!
you may run the risk of getting some snow in your shoes, but you won't fall nearly as often. and if you do, it'll hurt a lot less.
...in the words of Joe Fox, "It's probably a metaphor for something, but I don't know what..."
Friday, December 18
walk into any upscale bathroom and you will be met with automatic soap dispensers, motion dectecting towel dispensers and hand-dryers, self-spritzing airfresheners, etc.
but if you wander into one of the restrooms at BYU, you might feel like you've reached your do-it-for-me limit.
you can regulate my water use and restrict how much paper i get, but do NOT try and tell me how much toiletpaper i need!
an automatic toilet paper dispenser?!
is it just me, or does it seem like we're really heading to that mindless-drone-dependence-on-machiney-thing that we frequently see in Sci-Fi films?!
Tuesday, December 8
Saturday, December 5
the BIOPHOTONIC tissue SCANNER!! Ooooo!!!....Aaaaahhhh!!...
that's right folks, just place your hand over the laser, wait 90 seconds, and POOF! instantaneous results that confirm you stink at taking care of your body!
so, essentially what we all received was HARD-CORE PROOF that all of us there were, in fact,
(who else habitually lives off so little sleep, survives under sick ammounts of stress, and eats nothing but raman?!?)
need evidence?! it's RIGHT HERE!
someone healthy scores about about +40,000 (green or blue),
i scored a 25,000 (....orange).
(which the nice, single, awkwardly smiling at me tech guy assured me wasn't nearly as bad as most college students - in fact, he hinted, it was the most attractive number he'd scanned all day!...)
and last but not least, if you are dissatisfied with your anxioxident-thingy-health score, you can purchase vitamins for $100 a month to make up for your unhealthy living habits! :D YES!
may all our futures be bright with low scan-numbers, handfuls of daily tablets, and a happy refusal to eat better on our own! :D
Wednesday, December 2
my entire jr high show-choir, footnotes, was present and needed to escape.
spencer hall was particularly helpful by making witty remarks on our potentially fatal situation.
death is pretty hilarious when the right person comments on it -
i started digging through some rubble and got separated from the group,
and after some confusion,
i found myself at a banquet dinner i hadn't been invited to.
at which point, the world's largest piece of dry ice -
as big as half a football field -
was catapulted from our dining hall into the grassy field next to the mansion.
naturally, it broke and suddenly there was fog everywhere!
but through the mist i noticed the ice blocks had fallen, most inconveniently, in the middle of a burial tomb being constructed next door.
how very rude of us!!...
but the workers finished the grave-site anyway
and then, to make matters worse, the actual funeral began - with candles and chanting and dry ice fog to give it that really creepy effect.
i wondered what kind of effect the ice would have on the deceased, then concluded they probably didn't care anymore...
by this time, the sun had set and we were all supposed to go to bed.
i didn't want to go to bed.
i didn't want to sleep in a big unknown mansion next to a foggy funeral!
so i took my pillow and began flying around the ballroom.
NOT of my own volition, mind you -
the WIND was carrying me without my consent!
i blew around for a good long while until i smacked into the window sill about
20 stories off the ground.
then yes, i fell.
i managed to hit another 3-4 window sills during my fall,
but fall i did!
by the time i hit the floor, i was beaten and broken
and wondered why i wasn't covered in blood.
then reminded myself that i'd fallen on my PILLOW - so naturally, there wouldn't be any blood.
but unfortunately, i had fallen in the middle of a theatrical graduation,
where Tim Curry was the Dean and his students couldn't remember
if they were rehearsing to PERFORM a graduation scene
or if they were all actually graduating.
i was convinced i could have done a better job at
portraying the appropriate confusion,
but before i could go up and ask Tim for a chance with a cap-n-gown...
...i FINALLY woke up!!!
at which point i sighed in exhaustion and muttered,
"man...i need a nap..."
Monday, November 23
it's a CLASSIC!
it was my parent's FIRST DATE!
this musical-dance version of Cinderella is brilliant, charming, and entertaing.
the music is unforgettable , the costumes are UNBELIEVEABLE, and the script is witty.
except the love scene.
it's ALWAYS the love scene!
why is it that love scenes must surpass the bounds of cheesy awkwardness in dialogue and leave you wondering who the heck would use such a line and why the writer put it in?!
cinderella: "i feel i must explain why i'm here, your majesty..."
prince: "my eyes give me enough reasons..."
prince: "i'm not saying it very well, but i have always believed that marriage should begin with love - i'm sure you agree."
cinderella"...?....i have never given the matter much thought...?..."
however, i have to put it into perspective of something very profound i was taught years ago.
my sister, at the wise age of 16 or 17, took it upon herself to teach me the ways of the world
there are many early-morning lessons i still remember such as
1) never open your eyes while kissing
2) why men need you to compliment them
Wednesday, November 18
at 8am, i couldn't find my jeans.
i tore my room apart,
searched every drawer and pile.
i gave up and went looking for a shirt to wear instead.
but i couldn't find the one i'd been planning to wear.
i began to get frustrated.
why was i so set on wearing that shirt? where did i put it if i was hoping to wear it today?!...
it was then that my early-morning brilliance dawned on me.
even in my sleep-inhibited state, i had been clever enough to dump my wet laundry into the dryer and START it!
according to my calculations, my intended shirt would be fresh and clean waiting for me! YES! i am SO SMART! sleep must be over-rated...!
...i soon discovered the flaw in last night's groggy genius
as well as the whereabouts of my favorite jeans...
...which are now nearly 2 inches shorter and no longer serve my soaring 5'9 stature.
this, my friends, is why i
NEVER MACHINE-DRY MY JEANS!!!
(...except when i'm brilliant at 2am)
Tuesday, November 17
and that's bad news for people on the roads.
i don't say that because it's going to get snowy or icy.
i say that because my car's heating system
(in my shnazzy, stylish 1990 honda accord, complete with moon-roof!)
is directly linked to my speedometer.
yes, the speedometer.
the slower i go, the colder the air blasting in my face,
the f a s t e r i go, the TOASTIER it gets! :D
...i'm sure it doesn't take much imagination to figure out the problems with such an arrangement.
worst of all, i don't feel bad at all for my behavior! :)
i know everyone thinks i should -
i see those exact-speed-limit-drivers glare at me in contempt as i go speeding past them on frigid winter mornings.
they think i'm being reckless.
they think i'm a rebel with no regard for rules!
what they don't know is that i'm simply ensuring my own survival - and i see no law against that.
(...they also probably don't know is that utah has a flexible speed law...but let's not split hairs here...)
tis the season to be speeding! ;)
Monday, November 16
they're words we hear in our every-day lives.
we've all shuddered (or watched someone shudder)
to think something
would dare to be uttered!...
at least, those of us with the kinds of issues that run in my family.
and no, i'm not talking about jarring words like "crap," fetch," or "pee"
(although my mother would love to legally do away with all of those...),
or swear words.
i'm talking about words that are far worse.
the ones that are the fingernails on the chalkboard of your soul.
and my family's most recent aquisition?
**OBS: we are not collectively offended by all of the terms listed above.
each one specifically harrows the soul of one
particular member of my family.**
Thursday, November 12
today is my grandmother's funeral, which is another way of saying, today we are celebrating all things wonderful about Gayle Groo!! :)
she is a spunky, hard-working, movie-star of a mother and wife, and i love her SO MUCH!
and this is my favorite memory of her.
please keep in mind, she was about 89 when this happened...
i came in to check on her and crept over to her recliner chair where she was sleeping.
i bent over and gently woke her up and asked if she was ready for her pills.
she glanced at me - glanced down my shirt, then exclaimed, "is THAT how you get all the boys?!"
o how i love her :) SO very much!! :D
Tuesday, November 10
it was as we reached the cross in the fateful BYU sidewalks that i saw him, and the world did that sudden slo-mo-moment thing. everything seemed to stop for a second so i could take it all in - not his suave short looks, alpaca man-purse, or his granola sandals - but something else.
it was that slightly out-of-focus look on his face - the one i get when i have a song or a rythm running relentlessly through my head - that made me pause. i glanced downward and THEN I SAW IT!
perfectly in sync with the timing of his steps, his FINGERS WERE TAPPING OUT A SONG ON HIS THUMB!! if you don't do it yourself, i doubt you would understand what that means, but for people like me, it meants we aren't alone in our unconscious obsession. :)
thank you, granola-alpaca-guy. you totally made my day.
and in the words of michael, "you are not alone."
Wednesday, October 28
it's always hard to find time, but it's not just that. i think it's just harder to write without michelle around asking me to play for her and typing out my crazy lyrics as they come, so i won't forget them! :} lol funny how you never notice how much people affect your life until they run off and get married!
well, let's hope Dre and i get a little more quality time this week. :)
Thursday, January 8
i was sharing the "really truly in love" feedback with my 5'10 muse, michelle, who, as i started philosophizing about it, stopped me and said, "quit talking emily! SING IT!"
...which promptly led to a sassy, silly song about how pointless love definitions are and how no one can really know what love means to different people :) LOL!
inspiration comes from all places, folks, even our favorite criticisms! ;)
Monday, January 5
here's just a few of them:
1) first of all, before i could even SHOW it to people for feedback, i was caught in a struggle of WHO to show it to. i didn't want people who knew me well to hear it and realize how 'fake' i might sound. but then...if i showed it to a stranger who WOULDNT recognize my voice... they might hate it and SAY SO! ...it was then that i realized that if i REALLY wanted feedback on what people thought of my music...i would have to be tough enough to accept rejection as well as any critiques or praise. :} you'd think that was a given, but it wasnt until that point. :)
2) first feedback was from a coworker who was concerned by the fact that the word "truce" never, in fact, appears in the song entitled "truce." i decided it didn't bother me and i intend to keep the name. :)
3) one friend said i sounded a little like Ingrid Michealson, which i found very flattering.
4) my sister told her sister in law about my music and she may use one of my songs for her awesome blog-site targeted at building up today's young women in the gospel! nothing for sure, but it was flattering she'd consider me and ask to hear the recording! :)
5) i had alot of nearly-strangers who i played for live at michelle's wedding tell me to keep writing/recording and that they wanted to hear as soon as i'd finished a CD, which was very encouraging! :)
6) one of my dearest friends who is a recording artist himself told me he loved them (HUGE compliment, in my book!) and shared some counsel with me that my music should always be ME, and not someone else. and if i wasn't sure who that was yet, to discover her so she could keep shining in my music like he was hearing. it was inspiring and has made me look at my music and the recording process very differently :)
however, my favorite feedback was:
7) one of the managers at work (who is married and quite the hopeless romantic) listened to both songs and said they were pretty but neither one sounded very happy or romantic. i protested, saying "truce" WAS a happy song but he ignored me and asked,
"emily, have you ever written a song when you were really TRULY in love?!"
i laughed, tho i wasn't sure what to say. how does one guage when they're "really TRULY in love" enough to know "its time to write a song about it"? i write when feelings strike me. ...some are playful, thoughtful, resigned, etc - i think i would call "truce's" feeling 'grateful'. i was in love as much as i knew what love was at the time, and i was grateful for what i was learning. what kind of song or feeling should i expect to be struck with if i were "really truly in love"? and why can't it be a feeling of gratitude?
however, since i'm still unmarried, i guess i can chalk it up to never having fallen in love for reals with the right guy ;) lol SO!!...i'll make sure you all (as well as my coworker) hear the amazing "REALLY TRULY in-LOVE" song that will surely be written when such a love and man eventually appear in my life! ;) loL!
it has been and will keep being an experience as i work on being brave enough to let people hear my music - i marvel at people who do this professionally! :)
i never knew singing live was so different from playing for a microphone. i had thought that singing into a mic by myself would be easier than in front of a room of people (which gives me sreious stage fright, ps), but it was a whole new world of scary!
live singing is somewhat forgiveable because people only remember what they choose to remember and its over once you've finished playing. not only that, but you can change up the strums, the beat, the feel, and the meaning each time, even though you play the same chords and sing the same words.
RECORDINGS, however, will be played again and again. any flaws will be there for cross-examination each time someone listens to it. doensn't matter if you were having an 'off' day and could play a better version for them now, that's all they'll hear. not only that, but since you have to play and sing separately, you need to keep a consistent beat, a recognizeable strum pattern, and choose exactly what little isms you will and won't include - cause there's only one take of it people will hear. :}
don't think it was an awful experience though, i loved it! it was just terrifying :D lol