the confetti is always puce
(which actually means "flea" in french - noting the bug's reddish/purplish-brown color)
the cookies are always dry
and the ice cream has already been melted and re-frozen so its sticky and gross.
in short, they're lame.
so, as a general rule, i make great efforts to avoid them
and today was a perfect example
of how awesome
i DON'T succeed
at doing that sometimes.
an exciting morning of regional conference got off to a mildly bumpy start
when i first realized that i had come with two couples.
(my married cousin and her husband
and my roommate with her new beau.)
'well, that's ok. i'm a big girl! who needs a boy? i get to sit with lots of people i love!'
then, without warning,
the glacially-harvested air conditioning started pouring down.
quickly and heroicly, both of the men in our small party shed their jackets to save the shivering damsels.
i sat in the middle with no such assistance.
but i had no reason to dispair! my cousin had me skootch over and share the jacket with her!
'see?' says me, 'i am loved enough by all - i dont need a date to give me his jacket!'
and so we hunkered down, prepared to endure until the long conference hours had passed.
but it is a rather squishy life for two women under one thin man's jacket.
it didn't take me long to realize that by allowing me to try and fit my knees under the protection of the suitcoat, my cousin was not staying warm.
and due to the small area of waist-coat refuge i was using, i wasn't retaining any heat either.
(blast that nasty breeze biting at out ankles!)
so i admitted defeat, braved the bitter storm and returned to my original position -
completely stripped of any shelter from the winter air that even a few shreds of a suit can provide.
...but i had lost my seat.
according to mathatical principles i cannot explain,
the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
and when all of our hips had been facing forward,
their straight lines had provided just enough room for us all.
but with the fierce, icy winds decending mercilessly from the vents above,
both couples on either side had angled themselves towards each other
to trap in and save precious heat.
it was a matter of survival now.
and darwin's theory states that the unfit will never make it.
the math was simple but i never saw it coming.
newly angled hips = what was once room enough for one
was now big enough for none.
i was going to fall.
i glanced to my right as i inched dangerously closer to the edge -
but there was nothing their frigid gushy smiles could do!...
i glanced to my left, about to cry for help as i saw the impending ledge coming near!...
...but they were powerless to save me, as their arms were holding tight to each other!!...
i clawed desperately for something to keep me a-benched, but it was too late!....
and just before i slipped off of the wooden cliff to my frozen doom,
i glaced up at the servant of God on the screen before me and thought,
'well...i guess YOU'RE my date, then, Packer!"
bring on the confetti.
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