update...

...three more squatters today.

the pandemic continues...

squatters

I probably shouldn’t post this right after the last one, but this is ridiculous.

Monday morning I am walking to work through the Marriott Center walkways and discovered 3 squatters hunkered down in the snow.

On Tuesday, there were 5.

By this morning, there were more than 10-11, bleeding down the walkway and choking the pass I needed to cross over in order to get to work!

Isn’t the city going to do something about these miscreants abusing public walking space with their double-wide-3-bedroom-suite-tents and their 2 mile long extension cords in order to power their space heaters and gameboys?? (I say, if someone is going to be foolhardy enough to CHOOSE to live in a tent in the middle of a utah January, in my walking space, they should have their toes frozen off and be bored out of their minds, just like in olden days.)

To add insult to injury, most of these unlawful residents sport the white-and-blue banner of my university, while preventing me from going and performing my DUTIES to that university! Not to mention the silent, self-righteous taunt those waving ensigns are shouting – their claim that somehow, by living a week on an air-mattress without a bathroom and smelling like wet garbage, their BYU loyalty runs deeper.

I’m loyal – let me get by and get to work and I’ll PROVE IT!

Actions speak louder than banners, game-squatters.

what's in a name?

Today I had the pleasure of reviewing BYU related auto accidents and sending emails to the supervisors of the BYU employees who had made it on our infamous list.

As I looked up the supervisor of the next accident offender, I busted out laughing and turned to my office buddy, jerica,

"can you believe this?? This guy's supervisor's name is BRONCO - poor guy! Who would name their poor child Bronco?"

She stared at me as if she'd just had an anurism.

"Bronco…as in, Bronco MENDENHALL??"

I checked.

"…why yes, actually!"

She continued to stare - the vein on her forehead getting dangerously high.

"BRONCO MENDENHALL?! Are you kidding??...do you even KNOW who that is?!?!"

I could tell by her reaction I was supposed to.

"BRONCO?!....BRONCO!! that's!...he's!!...Did you even GO to any games this year?!"

I didn't see how watching a game was synonymous with knowing who Bronco is.

"Are you?!?...i can't!...i mean, he's our FOOTBALL COACH, emily!! He's a LEGEND!!!! A LEGEND!!! O my GOSH!! I can't BELIVE it!..."

She continued, gob-smacked like this, for some time, until she finally cried, "seriously! You must be SO embarrassed!"

...embarrassed? not really.
not nearly as embarrassed as she was for my sake, anyway. ;)

Love ya, Bronco - funny name and all.

(the legend himself) -------------------->

life lessons walking to jana's...

you know, it always seems like a great idea to forge through deep snow by mooching off of someone else's previously-tred steps.

however! i made a discovery last week.
this principle does well when the powder is fresh, but not so well later.
once the sun comes out, those handy snow-holes become ice traps! at that point, it is actually SAFER to tred where no man has trod before than follow someone else's path!
you may run the risk of getting some snow in your shoes, but you won't fall nearly as often. and if you do, it'll hurt a lot less.

...in the words of Joe Fox, "It's probably a metaphor for something, but I don't know what..."

my automated life...

everything today is automated.

walk into any upscale bathroom and you will be met with automatic soap dispensers, motion dectecting towel dispensers and hand-dryers, self-spritzing airfresheners, etc.

but if you wander into one of the restrooms at BYU, you might feel like you've reached your do-it-for-me limit.

an automatic toilet paper dispenser?!

you can regulate my water use and restrict how much paper i get, but do NOT try and tell me how much toiletpaper i need!

is it just me, or does it seem like we're really heading to that mindless-drone-dependence-on-machiney-thing that we frequently see in Sci-Fi films?!

war paint

last night my nephew spent the evening with my family while his parents were out on a triple date.

anyone who knows or owns a 2.5 year old knows that keeping their attention longer than about 15 seconds on any one activity is a challange! however, stacks of white paper and a bucket of markers did the trick for most of the evening!

however, it only kept his attention to the degree that he was allowed to scribble over everything and subsequently get it all over himself. it was adorable!

"o the young and unaware!" i giggled as i checked out my nephew's now pink-and-purple-splotched face,

only to be notified shortly thereafter by my sister that i had aquired green and blue war paint of my own.

i guess some things we never grow out of! :)

*sadly, the poor quality of my phone's camera lost most of the marker smears on our faces - the most noticable ones are the one by his right eye and a long dark one under my left one.*

palm readings...

today i attended a business presentation organized by my Global Management Student Association and hosted by a local business,

and had the opportuntity to have my palm read by THIS:

the BIOPHOTONIC tissue SCANNER!! Ooooo!!!....Aaaaahhhh!!...

that's right folks, just place your hand over the laser, wait 90 seconds, and POOF! instantaneous results that confirm you stink at taking care of your body!

this antioxident-vitamin-count is affected by the ammount of sleep you get, the ammount of stress your body reguarly works under, and how vitamin-rich your diet is.

so, essentially what we all received was HARD-CORE PROOF that all of us there were, in fact,

COLLEGE STUDENTS!!

(who else habitually lives off so little sleep, survives under sick ammounts of stress, and eats nothing but raman?!?)

need evidence?! it's RIGHT HERE!

someone healthy scores about about +40,000 (green or blue),

i scored a 25,000 (....orange).

(which the nice, single, awkwardly smiling at me tech guy assured me wasn't nearly as bad as most college students - in fact, he hinted, it was the most attractive number he'd scanned all day!...)

and last but not least, if you are dissatisfied with your anxioxident-thingy-health score, you can purchase vitamins for $100 a month to make up for your unhealthy living habits! :D YES!

may all our futures be bright with low scan-numbers, handfuls of daily tablets, and a happy refusal to eat better on our own! :D