working over-time

last night i was in a large collapsing building.
my entire jr high show-choir, footnotes, was present and needed to escape.
spencer hall was particularly helpful by making witty remarks on our potentially fatal situation.
death is pretty hilarious when the right person comments on it -
i started digging through some rubble and got separated from the group,

and after some confusion,
i found myself at a banquet dinner i hadn't been invited to.
at which point, the world's largest piece of dry ice -
as big as half a football field -
was catapulted from our dining hall into the grassy field next to the mansion.
naturally, it broke and suddenly there was fog everywhere!

but through the mist i noticed the ice blocks had fallen, most inconveniently, in the middle of a burial tomb being constructed next door.
how very rude of us!!...
but the workers finished the grave-site anyway
and then, to make matters worse, the actual funeral began - with candles and chanting and dry ice fog to give it that really creepy effect.
i wondered what kind of effect the ice would have on the deceased, then concluded they probably didn't care anymore...

by this time, the sun had set and we were all supposed to go to bed.
i didn't want to go to bed.
i didn't want to sleep in a big unknown mansion next to a foggy funeral!
so i took my pillow and began flying around the ballroom.
NOT of my own volition, mind you -
the WIND was carrying me without my consent!

i blew around for a good long while until i smacked into the window sill about
20 stories off the ground.
then yes, i fell.
i managed to hit another 3-4 window sills during my fall,
but fall i did!

by the time i hit the floor, i was beaten and broken
and wondered why i wasn't covered in blood.
then reminded myself that i'd fallen on my PILLOW - so naturally, there wouldn't be any blood.
of course

but unfortunately, i had fallen in the middle of a theatrical graduation,
where Tim Curry was the Dean and his students couldn't remember
if they were rehearsing to PERFORM a graduation scene
or if they were all actually graduating.
i was convinced i could have done a better job at
portraying the appropriate confusion,
but before i could go up and ask Tim for a chance with a cap-n-gown...

...i FINALLY woke up!!!

at which point i sighed in exhaustion and muttered,
"man...i need a nap..."

cheese for two

last night i watched "Slipper and the Rose" with my sister!
it's a CLASSIC!
it's Romantic!
it was my parent's FIRST DATE!

this musical-dance version of Cinderella is brilliant, charming, and entertaing.
the music is unforgettable , the costumes are UNBELIEVEABLE, and the script is witty.

except the love scene.
it's ALWAYS the love scene!
why is it that love scenes must surpass the bounds of cheesy awkwardness in dialogue and leave you wondering who the heck would use such a line and why the writer put it in?!

ex.
cinderella: "i feel i must explain why i'm here, your majesty..."
prince: "my eyes give me enough reasons..."

and later...

prince: "i'm not saying it very well, but i have always believed that marriage should begin with love - i'm sure you agree."
cinderella"...?....i have never given the matter much thought...?..."

awkward?! awkward.

however, i have to put it into perspective of something very profound i was taught years ago.

my sister, at the wise age of 16 or 17, took it upon herself to teach me the ways of the world

(which is another way of saying she would wake me up at 2 am and give a dissertation on her newest insight on boys and relationships).

there are many early-morning lessons i still remember such as
1) never open your eyes while kissing
2) why men need you to compliment them

and the most important:

3) ignore/forget the last thing a man says before he kisses you

(...or anything said immediately after)

why?

"because," she patiently explained, "they're nervous. so they will always blurt out something stupid. and in the moment, you will think it the most romantic thing he's ever uttered. however!," she warned, "you won't later. so just choose to forget it now."

so, maybe the overly-cheesy-awkward representation of love in movies is actually the writer's attempt to recreate the REAL stupidity that occurs when you stare in someone's eyes and your brain shuts down?!?!!?!?!!?

makes sense to me. bring on the cheese!

high and dry

it's always dangerous when you only vaguely remember congratulating yourself on your brilliance at 2 am.

at 8am, i couldn't find my jeans.
i tore my room apart,
searched every drawer and pile.

nothing.

i gave up and went looking for a shirt to wear instead.
but i couldn't find the one i'd been planning to wear.

i began to get frustrated.

why was i so set on wearing that shirt? where did i put it if i was hoping to wear it today?!...

it was then that my early-morning brilliance dawned on me.
even in my sleep-inhibited state, i had been clever enough to dump my wet laundry into the dryer and START it!
according to my calculations, my intended shirt would be fresh and clean waiting for me! YES! i am SO SMART! sleep must be over-rated...!

...i soon discovered the flaw in last night's groggy genius
as well as the whereabouts of my favorite jeans...
...which are now nearly 2 inches shorter and no longer serve my soaring 5'9 stature.


this, my friends, is why i
NEVER MACHINE-DRY MY JEANS!!!
(...except when i'm brilliant at 2am)

direct proportions

it's getting colder,
and that's bad news for people on the roads.

i don't say that because it's going to get snowy or icy.

i say that because my car's heating system
(in my shnazzy, stylish 1990 honda accord, complete with moon-roof!)
is directly linked to my speedometer.

yes, the speedometer.

...so!...

the slower i go, the colder the air blasting in my face,
the f a s t e r i go, the TOASTIER it gets! :D

...i'm sure it doesn't take much imagination to figure out the problems with such an arrangement.

worst of all, i don't feel bad at all for my behavior! :)

i know everyone thinks i should -

i see those exact-speed-limit-drivers glare at me in contempt as i go speeding past them on frigid winter mornings.
they think i'm being reckless.
they think i'm a rebel with no regard for rules!
what they don't know is that i'm simply ensuring my own survival - and i see no law against that.

(...they also probably don't know is that utah has a flexible speed law...but let's not split hairs here...)

tis the season to be speeding! ;)

forbidden words

we've all heard them.
they're words we hear in our every-day lives.
we've all shuddered (or watched someone shudder)
to think something
SO OBSCENE
would dare to be uttered!...

at least, those of us with the kinds of issues that run in my family.

and no, i'm not talking about jarring words like "crap," fetch," or "pee"
(although my mother would love to legally do away with all of those...),
or swear words.

no.

i'm talking about words that are far worse.
the ones that are the fingernails on the chalkboard of your soul.

words like:

"hutch"

"piddle"

"baggie"
"pantyhose"

"tinkle"

"dollop"

"moist"

and my family's most recent aquisition?

"grunties."



**OBS: we are not collectively offended by all of the terms listed above.
each one specifically harrows the soul of one
particular member of my family.**

my favorite moment...

today is my grandmother's funeral, which is another way of saying, today we are celebrating all things wonderful about Gayle Groo!! :)

she is a spunky, hard-working, movie-star of a mother and wife, and i love her SO MUCH!
and this is my favorite memory of her.
please keep in mind, she was about 89 when this happened...

i came in to check on her and crept over to her recliner chair where she was sleeping.
i bent over and gently woke her up and asked if she was ready for her pills.

she glanced at me - glanced down my shirt, then exclaimed, "is THAT how you get all the boys?!"

o how i love her :) SO very much!! :D

the fellow finger-freak

walking to art history today awarded me a special treat - a chance encounter with someone who shares one of my strangest quirks!

it was as we reached the cross in the fateful BYU sidewalks that i saw him, and the world did that sudden slo-mo-moment thing. everything seemed to stop for a second so i could take it all in - not his suave short looks, alpaca man-purse, or his granola sandals - but something else.

it was that slightly out-of-focus look on his face - the one i get when i have a song or a rythm running relentlessly through my head - that made me pause. i glanced downward and THEN I SAW IT!

perfectly in sync with the timing of his steps, his FINGERS WERE TAPPING OUT A SONG ON HIS THUMB!! if you don't do it yourself, i doubt you would understand what that means, but for people like me, it meants we aren't alone in our unconscious obsession. :)

thank you, granola-alpaca-guy. you totally made my day.

and in the words of michael, "you are not alone."